the BIG 3-0

*disclaimer: pls read the following with a pinch of salt. just realised after posting that i might come across as showy with this post. however, i must state that this is not my intention. NOPE! cos i have nothing to show for. tis merely serves as a reminder to myself of who i used to be. how i used to behave.. which sums up that i make mostly reckless decisions... well, what i m trying to say here is how i can't be the same person anymore.. and age is reali catching up. well.. my disclaimer is too long. enjoy... with a pinch of salt..

hmm... i m getting scared as the day draws near... by right it shouldn't make any difference as i have passed the previous 29 years with no issues.. (ok ok... turning 18 & 21 were super big deal then...) but time seems to have sped past just like dat.. so many resolutions unfulfilled/ incomplete! i used to pride myself on "just do it" (with no connections to Nike though) without considering any external factors. NONE. but this "just do it" attitude seems to have mellowed in the later half of my 20s and in turn, filled with lotsa "what if i do this and itz a mistake" etc...

~i wanted to be a model. i did.
~i wanted to try modelling competitions and prove myself. i did.
~i wanted to get my degree. i did.
~i wanted to be a cabin crew with SQ. i did.
~i wanted to get married to dear. i did.
~i wanted to get my own place. i did.
~i wanted to get my license. i did.
~i wanted to get my car. i did albeit a small pt.A to B car. but itz MINE!
~i finally decide to have a child. i did. and am forever grateful for my lovely missy.

now... what went wrong?

~i did not want to put on weight. i did. 12kg since i started working.
~i wanted to lose 5kg before my 30th birthday. something i promised myself from the start of this year. erm.. i have yet to lose a single gram.
~i wanted to bring missy back home to stay on weekends. not done yet. except for the very very occasional afternoon play sessions at home.
~i wanted a spick & span place. i do spring clean but clutter is always there. can never seem to throw all things useless out!
~i want a new car & new house. dear has said to wait till next year. no issues with this though. but i want the potential cash gains asap!! haha..
~i want to be able to meet up with my friends as regular as we used to. but i can't make myself spend my weekends away from missy.
~i want to party! i want to drink! i want to enjoy... well.. i still do but with a very clear head nowadays. ha.. doesn't seem to be able to reach the "super-high" stage like last time. can't seem to lose it and go all crazy.. which i tink shd be good news for my buddies & dear though.. hahaha...

and the list goes on...

and to make the big 3 more surreal, i m still the super young-at-heart crazy little girl who relies so much on mummy, granny & dear. i m the original kiddo in the family. i dun feel 30. i feel like a kid. i feel like i still want all the attention! (though this may not always happen esp with missy ard now.. ha...) i m still the kiddo in the group of frens though i m the 1st to give birth. itz reali quite crazy..

i have been telling dear that i dun wana celebrate my 30th birthday since the start of this year. however, i have been having 2nd thoughts about it. should i or should i not? what the heck! i think i will simply hibernate at home and spend my precious day with missy & family.

oh.. watever..

bye 20s... hello 3-0s...

p.s. *urgh* as if turning big 3 ain't irritating enough, i still have to submit my application for a new NRIC and pay $10! grr...